[Report This]Date: 01 Jun 2013 03:21 AM Title: Chapter 10
Awesome story. Must admit read on FanFiction more chapters there though. As always you got me aching for more. LOL
[Report This]Date: 15 Jul 2010 05:12 AM Title: Chapter 5
Yeah, I gotta say, I hope Logan isn't really such a bad guy. And I like Carr too, so I'm hoping maybe White switched out the results to split up Max and Alec. Divide and conquer as they say. We shall see, we shall see :D
[Report This]Date: 15 Jul 2010 05:04 AM Title: Chapter 4
Awww, they're so tender together. I hope they can remember that when it all comes apart again.
Date: 14 Jul 2010 05:25 PM Title: Chapter 5
Erk. Stirring up (past) grievances the night of the funeral probably isn't the best idea, Alec...!
Wow. There's some bad blood if ever there was! I can't imagine how hard it was on Alec, harboring the feelings he did for Max and not being able to do anything about them but lash out at the man who 'got the girl'.
I don't want to think that Logan lied about Keegan. I wonder if Carr didn't know something about Logan's state of mind that we don't? Perhaps some form of instability? Maybe if he thought he wasn't the father he would seriously lose it? (With everything that happened - losing the use of his legs, the virus, knowing Max had been with Alec... there's plenty reason for him to be especially vulnerable) Maybe Carr was the one responsibly for any deception - if there was one.
Well, I suppose I shall have to wait and see! *turns big, puppy-dog eyes to Dacia...
Date: 14 Jul 2010 05:11 PM Title: Chapter 4
I'll start with this chapter.
Again, poor Max! How awful to lose her husband, have her son missing and her best friend in hospital! I don't think I could sit at a funeral with all that going on, but then again, it's society (the Cale's are wealthy, privegleged people in a similar community, I assume) and certain things are expected, for appearances sake. I'm sure she'll be dashing off immediately afterwards.
Okay. Erm, I didn't want to comment on the last chapter without seeing how you continued but I decided to go ahead now.
I can say now, looking back, that I understand some of why Alec was so harsh, but I think it was a little over the top. I also don't know if I buy into them using designations on each other (first chapter when Max refered to Alec as 494 and last chapter Alec calling Max 452.) I think the reactions in the previous chapter could be tempered a tad.
I also thing that Max needing some training b/c she's out of shape and practice makes sense, too, but something about the timing (or perhaps the buildup to it?) seemed a bit.
I'm sorry I sound so negative. I wouldn't comment, however, if I didn't think the storyline had great potential. I really think you can really perk up the scenes and quality of the fic by making some small changes here and there - including, again, the tense changes.
Please don't' get the wrong idea. I really am enjoying this fic! I'm anxious for Max, sad for Alec (so far) and want them to track down that Familiar bastard and rip his guts out. And of course I want to know WHY they took Keegan. Was it revenge for Ray? Is it something far more nefarious and inhuman? I need answers, my dear! Please don't keep me waiting long!
Author's Response: Hey Shay! And I appreciate your feedback. The switching of tenses is a problem I've always had. And it apparently escaped my beta reader too. Maybe I can use a second beta? :)
Date: 14 Jul 2010 04:49 PM Title: Chapter 1
I already like the setup!
Poor Max! I can't imagine the horror. *hugs her*
If you were serious about concrit, may I bring to your attention the changing tenses within your writing?
Quote: "Max had to be... OC is in the hospital in a coma, and Keegan is missing. Alec knew...
It disrupts the smooth flow of the story. There are a few minor instances throughout that you might want to reconsider. Hope that helps.
Thanks for bringing this to RH! :) It's nice to have more work on the archive!
Off to read some more...
[Report This]Date: 13 Jul 2010 11:56 AM Title: Chapter 3
More, I say! Totally love this fic right now, can't wait for the updates :D
Author's Response: I'm so glad!!! Thank you SkylarGrace. Spead the word about it as well.
[Report This]Date: 13 Jul 2010 05:04 AM Title: Chapter 2
He tried at least... :P
[Report This]Date: 12 Jul 2010 05:57 AM Title: Chapter 1
Having a three year old, my heart leapt out of my chest when she was searching for Keegan. I'm loving this fic and I can't wait to read the rest :D