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Reviewer: sue Signed [Report This]
Date: 10 Mar 2009 04:37 AM Title: Chapter 1

It's a nice addition to the Feb prompts, SWinner! Thanks for sharing this with us :)

Reviewer: Twinchy Signed [Report This]
Date: 03 Mar 2009 11:25 PM Title: Chapter 1

Touching story told in such few words.
Not that they title didn't doom their love already... yet it really hit when he promised to come back - that's never a good sign.

Reviewer: Shay Signed [Report This]
Date: 03 Mar 2009 08:54 PM Title: Chapter 1

Hey, SWinner! It's nice to see you posting! Glad to have you here :D

I don't want to appear judgmental or callous, because that isn't my intention. I just hope you'll take this as the concrit it is meant to be :)

The idea behind the story is sound - I've used similar structures and development before. But I think the too-oft repeated 'Twenty one' detracts from the flow and feel of the drabble to the point where the focus is drawn from what you're trying to make the reader feel, to what the reader sees - the same words on every line.

I felt bad for your (ambiguous) character/s and the sorry situation in which they found themselves.

I hope you don't feel discouraged or insulted by my comments.

Thank you for answering this prompt and for sharing your story. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

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