Date: 10 Mar 2009 04:34 AM Title: TWITLN
Oh honey, this is beautiful.
I love how you paint such colourful picture in the confine of limited words. Happiness, fear, terror.. they're crystal clear. This is awesome :)
[Report This]Date: 03 Mar 2009 11:19 PM Title: TWITLN
*gapes at screen and gulpes in shock*
Of all the things I would have expected after the first few heartwarming phrases, it surely wasn't that. *stares blankly*
You certainly know how to wrap up a punch line in a sweet package, Shay. *starts sobbing*
Twenty-one tears dripped down my cheeks for the last sentence alone.
Your adding up "one love, two individuals..." was what tore at me the most, to tell the truth; particularly the "six
seconds of terror" finish to it.
I all but thought I'd misread the line when I (quite
literally) stumbled across the beginning of your 'second part'.
Structure-wise (no offence, please because it's very well done already), I think two more phrases would have made for a beautiful countdown (4-3-2-1 lines). They might well have lessened the impact though, depending on those sentences.
Author's Response:
Thanks, Twinch! Sorry I'm out of tissues... :) but I'm glad the drabble moved you.
You're probably right about the structure - another couple lines could have looked/worked better, but I was specifically trying to stay within 100 words. There is also the possibility that adding those lines (as you suggested) may have taken away from the ending. I just wouldn't know because I didn't try.
It's definitely something to take on board for the future, thanks! And you should know already that I don't take offense to suggestion or constructive comments (so long as they are polite :) )
Thanks again for commenting, hon *hugs*
Date: 08 Feb 2009 09:41 PM Title: TWITLN
awesome use of the prompt. i'll be over here huddled in my corner. i might need some tissues too. :p
Author's Response: aww, don't cry, quirks! your face gets all blotchy.
pleased to hear that i was able to affect people in so few words...
thanks for reading and reviewing, hon!
Date: 05 Feb 2009 02:55 AM Title: TWITLN
mmm,
sniffles, that's quite sad. You paint a very nice word picture, like a series of snapshots.
Like it.
Author's Response:
*hands Feebo a tissue* Thanks, sweetie! Glad to hear it.
Date: 04 Feb 2009 10:01 PM Title: TWITLN
So sad but so poetically beautiful Shay. Great fic!
Author's Response: Shucks, you're making me blush :)
Thanks so much, Kare!
Date: 04 Feb 2009 05:35 PM Title: TWITLN
I had to read this twice to really get it. Very short and I thought it seemed happy at first but ended very sadly.. Very deeply written, great job. I'm gonna have to read this again, I can't help it.
Author's Response: Things can change in a matter of seconds. And it's a drabble - they're meant to be short :) Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comments.